“Saadia’s poor response to stress and difficulty managing her emotions frequently will impact her ability to remain focused on her academics and cause her to fall behind…”

This excerpt from my individualized education plan (IEP) described my performance difficulties as a senior in high school. An IEP is a legal document describing the special education strategy for a particular student.

High school was tough for all the wrong reasons. Friendships were hard to maintain because I switched high schools almost every year, attending five different schools before graduating. I started high school as a freshman at the prestigious Boston University Academy. After about a month, I confessed to my mom that I had been cutting myself and she took me to the hospital. I couldn’t explain what made me want to hurt myself, which made the whole ordeal even scarier.

After some time in treatment, I tried a few other school environments including a therapeutic boarding school and the special education program at my public high school. Unfortunately, none of these environments really worked for me. Despite hundreds of conversations with mental health professionals, no one seemed to understand how badly I was hurting on the inside.

As it turned out, there was a reason for everything that I was experiencing: I was suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD), which has a well-earned reputation as the most painful mental illness. Marsha Linehan famously said that people with BPD are like people with third-degree burns all over their bodies. Lacking “emotional skin,” they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.

The physical manifestation of BPD is a hyperreactive amygdala, which generates excess cortisol and adrenaline. The chronic stress made it extremely difficult to focus on schoolwork. My IEP granted accommodations that directly addressed these issues, such as having standardized tests administered by familiar teachers.

BPD is classified as a social-emotional learning disability. I celebrate Disability Pride Month because I’m proud of the resilience and stamina I’ve built by managing chronic pain. I’m also extremely proud and grateful to live in a country with laws that protected me when I couldn’t protect myself.

July was established as Disability Pride Month to commemorate the passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Click here to learn more about the history and symbolism of the Disability Pride Flag.

About the Author: Saadia is a young professional with lived experience of borderline personality disorder. She volunteers with the Lived Experience Committee because she wants to share the gift of recovery with others. You can find her on LinkedIn.